he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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