I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize