im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
