Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize