What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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