***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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