Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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