So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
