My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
