My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
