That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
