let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
