when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
do nipples grow back?
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