i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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