Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
