Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
