After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
