I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
