I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
