we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
