im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
