I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
