I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
