I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
