I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
