Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have fence marks all over my body
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
