Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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