Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
