halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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