from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
