I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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