Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
