Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
