Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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