wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
