The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
