I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
