Pappa wants mamma naked
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
