My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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