**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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