I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
