i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize