On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
