So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
