the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
