I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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