he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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