We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
