Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
