I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
