Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
