god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
