my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
