Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
