508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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