Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize