So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think my vagina is haunted
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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