My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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