Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
