is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Shame - the story of my life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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