Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize