Do vagina's smell?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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