I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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