My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
