who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
