i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
