he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
