the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
