yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
ok first of all what the fuck
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
