dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
