If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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