If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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